So I occasionally dabble in the realm of TV-style dinners.  Sure, they might not be the tastiest meals you can buy, and I’d be a fool to call them healthy… but they’re just so damn convenient!  One of my favorites has always been the Hungry-Man brand Boneless White Meat Fried Chichken meal with corn, mashed potatoes, and a brownie; but I’ve got to ask what they were thinking with the directions!

I’m going to reproduce the directions exactly as they appear, for those who have never prepared this meal, along with my objections.

1. Remove plastic cover from chicken, potatoes and brownie.  Cut slit in film over corn.

This direction seems easy enough, but it’s virtually impossible.  The plastic cover to which they refer is applied to the entire package, with no perforations or anything to make this possible.  To top it off, the plastic is not sealed to the separators.  This whole step means you have to get a knife, which is not something I want to involve in my TV-dinners, and carefully perform surgery on the Hungry-man packaging.

No thank you, Hungry-Man.  Nobody understands why venting is preferable to total exposure anyways. I tried removing the whole plastic, and my meal was not only acceptable, but indifferentiable from one prepared according to the directions.

2. Microwave on HIGH 4 1/2 minutes.  Carefully remove brownie with a fork; set aside.  Stir potatoes.  Return tray to microwave oven.

Oh thank you for specifying what instrument I should use to remove the brownie.  Were you aware the brownie is LIQUID at this point?  This step is absolutely ridiculous, because now I have to involve some other dish for my microwave dinner.  One of the appealing features of TV-dinners is the easy cleanup.  All I have to do is throw away the container it comes in, but no, I’ve just moved a molten brownie into a bowl for no apparent reason.

If you forego this step, and instead just stir the potatoes (with a fork), your brownie comes out significantly less molten and no dirty dishes.

3. Microwave on HIGH 3 minutes.

4. Let stand 1 minute in microwave oven.  Stir potatoes before serving.

I don’t really have a problem with these two steps, other than the fact that I’m not waiting one minute for anything.  I’m digging in right away, despite the fact that I’m going to burn my tongue, and that will fuck me up for days.

So, Hungry-Man, two options in my ultimatum:

A. Add perforations in the plastic cover between the corn and the rest of the packaging, and add perforations to the container around the brownie, so that it may be separated from the rest of the container.

B. Alternatively, simplify your directions to the following:

1. Remove plastic.

2. Microwave 7 minutes.

3. Enjoy immediately.

I appreciate it.

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